MY NEW COMPUTER IS HERE!!!!!!! It's the most beautiful computer you will ever see (if you ever see it. mwuahaha). It looks like it could kick somebody's ass...like it came from the CIA or something. It's all black (the keyboard, back, etc.), skinny, cute little Dell logo....it's the sexiest damn thing. =) I've only started it once today (on my old computer right now) because I can't get it to connect to the internet. Vista is pretty nice...although I did have this scarey feeling of, "omg...I've been using computers for most of my life and this thing makes no sense to me right now" come over me for a moment. Freaked the shit out of me. I feel extremely guilty for getting it now, since my old one is working (mostly) fine, but then again considering how loud, slow, and incompetent this older one can be...I don't want to find out the hard way (again). I don't know....should I be feeling guilty? =/

The semester will end Monday. All I have to finish up is a weather journal and some math lessons and a final. As I've probably said before, this semester has been lame compared to last semester. (The spring semesters always tend to suck! I think it's because of all the snow/cold weather. ...Seriously!). They were all pretty boring classes, even meteorology. I'm planning on taking an online math course this summer, just to get some more credits in there. I wish I could take something fun and exciting as well...like another astronomy, but the summer is unpredictable...I may have a job or be busy packing up the house come June? It would be pretty nice to know what their (my mother and her man. lol) plans are, moving/wedding wise, so that I could plan accordingly and apply to Mesa State if needed. It just sorta has me on edge! =P
Well anywho, good night. And happy mothers day! ...Even though...I don't think there are any mothers who read this...lol.

I am just so elated to know that I'm not too retarded to finish a 200 page book in two days! (actually, most of it was read in one day...and had I not been tired I probably could have finished it?!) -- How to cover your ass while amazon sits on theirs. I actually bought the stupid thing twice - one on amazon and, out of panic because it hadn't come yet (two days before my paper was due), one at borders over in damn Lone Tree. But at least I'm becoming more ballsy with driving. ^.^ Victory is so fucking sweet. =)

Spring Break is officially here....and mine will entail helping do taxes, catching up on homework, and actually having to turn stuff in (who makes assignments due during spring break?!!! ..my math professor, that's who! >.<).

Anywho, just a quick update - back to work! Happy spring break, everyone!

This whole not updating for a month thing needs to stop. Then again, it's amazing how much has not been going on... School is going fine, kind of boring this semester...maybe I'm just getting burnt out or not as motivated? (Then again, come to think of it the only class that I'm really excited for hasn't even begun yet - the other three are lame ass required ones.) I've been back to being depressed or anxious too sometimes...I must need a reminder of why I'm doing all of this to begin with (...wait, what am I doing all of this for?). I think this time of year just always gets depressing, anyway. I can't stand the cold anymore, spring/summer needs to get here soon!! Anywho, other than my obsession with cooking lately (lol), things have been pretty slow. Hopefully things will pick up, as I start Meteorology class on Monday. =) Well, I'm off to bed. Night!

And I forgot to mention -- I will be buying a new laptop soon!! ....Hopefully!! I've had this thing for five years and it no longer lives up to it's name of "Whoopass". Let's just say, amongst many other things, I can't even watch YouTube videos and the like, because some soundcard thing is busted. This thing's performance has been too unacceptable for too long. I haven't decided yet, but mom keeps trying to convince me to buy a Dell (which I probably will) instead of an HP or something from the store. I'm looking at either the Inspiron 13, Inspiron 14 or 15 (I want a smaller screen), or maybe even the Studio 15. It will set me back a lot of money, but damnit am I excited to get a faster machine with a bigger hard drive!! It's literally giving me neck pains just thinking about how slow this can be...
So yes, that is my exciting news. ...That is all. =)

Aww, I've neglected my sweet little LJ completely for......have I even posted this year?? ...Well, it's been a long time, anyway. The year's going well so far, I suppose. I'm going to keep thinking positively even if it, for some reason, isn't going well.

School starts tomorrow, and I'm freaking mortified - mainly because I stupidly signed up for a class that I know will suck, because it's just an advanced version of my most stressful class last term (which, granted I did pwn, but still...). It's the only one I'm taking in person (which is the main reason I'm taking it - to get out of the house), the rest are online, so obviously, I'm super excited to begin taking them. The alternative to taking three classes online was to either sit in a classroom for four hours at the University Center down the street or drive about 15 miles each way (probably in the morning) to the main campus - which would leave me almost helpless if I didn't have the vehicle. I have no reason to worry, I know I can pwn that English Comp 2, it just gives me some involuntary anxiety (as does everything). There's no reason to worry - at least not until tomorrow.

Today is going to rock. =) Big Love premiered last night, but since we have no HBO I'm having to, *ahem* ..acquire it from EZTV (shh). Then, Glenn Beck's TV program premieres today (in a few hours! =O)...so, you know, as a Sick Twisted Freak who's been waiting since October, I'm excited for that. ;-)

I keep feeling dizzy, and really need to go do something productive. Much love! =)

In light of recent events, I have no idea how to write this post without sounding asinine. If only this recent surprising streak of happiness weren't in the midst of the tragedy of the passing of a friend. Every other time that I've tried to post on LJ recently, my emotions get the best of me. She was so sweet and, not to sound selfish, but I felt so blessed to have had the opportunity to know her (just as I feel blessed for everyone I have in my life). Her personality just shined. I will miss her happiness and goofyness, her posts on livejournal/facebook/myspace. She should have been so proud of herself for overcoming so much and accomplishing so much. It isn't fair that she didn't make it through her storm, because she deserved the feeling of conquering it. She will be missed. Rest in peace Betsy. ♥

Well, before I start to getting all religious or something on this post, maybe I should talk about the more light hearted things happening recently. The semester ended Dec. 9th, and so far college, my grades and I are getting along. =) The commercial we did on December 6th was just about the best day of my life. We were bused to the mountains and filmed at a ski resort in Winter Park. Two commercials were done - one in which we just followed the Verizon guy around, and another where we had to come walking out of the trees to meet up with the rest of "the network". Thankfully I was in the back of the "wedge", as I hate to have my face on camera (extras' faces turn out mostly blurry on film, anyway). It was such a great day - freezing cold and all. Of all the projects we've been a part of, my confidence lied most in this one. It was such a fun and rewarding (hehe, money) experience.

It seems I've been up to winning the lottery today - $500 worth, that is. Mom and I just did a few scratch tickets tonight and, as you can imagine, totally flipped to see almost every number match on the first one I scratched tonight. =) So that was very amazing.
I also somehow found a way to win a radio contest a couple weeks ago - a Glenn Beck prize package from KHOW. It included some cool things, as well as tickets to his Christmas Sweater Tour simulcast (live at the movie theater) last Wednesday. I haven't yet read The Christmas Sweater, but I acquired the audio book and listened to it all in almost one sitting - and cried (yes, I'll admit) almost the entire way through. The story is so inspiring, and it's given me the basis and encouragement to make it through my own storm of social anxienty and depression. The live show was alright...pretty much just an acting out of the story (duh). Ironically, going to it helped me take one small step towards telling the anxiety where to go; I drove to the theater over in Highlands Ranch - on the highway - entirely by myself. I made it through the evening entirely without having a panic attack or feeling emo or stuttering....it was so liberating. I know I have a long ways to go, but I feel like I'm getting closer. =)

Anywho....what a long post (sorry). I need to go wrap Christmas gifts. We're going to be unwrapping all of ours Monday or Tuesday, than traveling to Montrose on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas day with my mom's boyfriend's family. What a week! O.O So, much love & Merry Christmas!!! ♥

Regarding the commercial that we're going to be extras for Saturday......did I mention that we have to get up at 3ish/4 AM? Probably leave before 5, get there 5:30.....and be bused to a ski resort (or something?) where we'll stand in the snow for the whole shoot. ....Yeeahhh....

On the plus side: we just bought a shit load of sportswear to stay warm. Including some bad ass snowboots. ^.^

Today has been a big day for crying or something -- at least once every three hours or so. Yeah I know, I'm a pussy. When one feels like utter crap and has nothing or no one to offer comfort, what the hell else can they do? I initially felt like ranting on here about how I've spent all day trying to add up why other's have someone to care about the fact that they're alive - a romantic parter or otherwise - and why I don't deserve such a thing that other's take for granted.....but it seems pathetic to ponder it now. I've come to so many conclusions, most of which have brought me right back to square one and have given nothing but hopelessness. .....I sound like a damn goth... O.o .....Anyway, perhaps the truth is that I don't deserve to have or show feelings, opinions, to stand up for myself or be against something unjust, etc., and yet others do? Seemingly, when other's show emotion it's fine, but when I do anything other than nervously giggle a bunch like a damn moron, people turn against me. I'm not sure as to why, but putting one's emotions in a journal certainly makes this emo shit look a hell of a lot more ridiculous than it feels.

Thanksgiving break has been lame, although I supose Thanksgiving itself wasn't too bad. But I still enjoy always having something to do (i.e. not being on break). I absolutely must have something to keep me occupied at almost all times, or I become super depressed (hmmm...like I was today?). I suppose I do need to do some serious kicking ass on studying for finals. My last day of classes is Dec. 9, and I don't have classes again until Jan. 20. Haven't registered for any yet, but most of the ones I'm looking at are late start, and since UCC has a small selection this semester most will have to be online. Since I won't be going back for what seems like a long time, I may consider getting a part time job.....that's terrifying, isn't it?!! I think it would be awesome to work, it just pisses me off when I get accused of being lazy or spoiled simply because I don't have a job yet. >.< ..Because, you know, I'm a fucking princess who expects everything to be handed to her (..*ahem*that was sarcasm). >.<

However, I do have a small but awesome job Dec. 6, yet again as an extra!!! It's for a commercial for Verizon (actually, we're not suppose to say the name of the company. shhh!), and hopefully it'll be fun. I'll be 19 in about 5 days....that's scarey. ;-)
Well anywho, goodnight! <3

We're going out west this weekend to meet my mom's boyfriend's family, or at least his daughter (mom's already met her, I haven't). Hopefully all will go ok...I'm just really nervous about it all.

Classes are going ok...although I've been emo or something lately so that kind of makes it tougher. But for the most part I think I have it all pretty well handled. I just really hope the lack of time to work on stuff this weekend and the huge load of stuff to do doesn't screw it all up. >.<

I voted for the first time ever on Sunday! W00t! We did mail-in voting.....now we just need to mail the things or take them in. ;-)

Anywho, I should stop being stupid and go get some sleep.

Happy Halloween!!